It's possible you might have to be an engineer to truly appreciate engineering jokes and humor, but if you get the jokes, they are certainly funny! Do you know an engineering joke or one-liner or are you looking for an engineering joke? Submit your joke or read engineering jokes added by other readers.
- A physicist was sitting in his room alone, and realized that he felt depressed. So he went to a psychologist to see if the psychologist could help him feel better again. After a little bit of introduction and talking about the physicist's life, the psychologist looks at his notes and tells the physicist, "Well, I think I know what brings you down the most."
"Well, what is it?" asked the physicist.
- —Guest George P. Burdell
- Engineering is all about laziness in the name of better life.
- —Guest Aung Sitt
- 6. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing who must have designed the human body.One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"7. Knock knock. Who's there? Interruptingcoefficient of friction. Interrupting coefficient of fri.... mmmuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu (μ)8. Two engineering students were walkingacross a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my ownbusiness, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."9. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."10. A wife asks her husband, a software engineer..."Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!" A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied,"They had eggs."
- —Guest KishorKere
- A fire engineer,who could not speek arabic, was finding it difficult to market his newely invented fire extinguisher in the Arabian continent .He consulted an expert who advised him to use photographic symbols. Now he proceeded with a three stage demonstration photographs,namely (1)a car on fire , (2) a man fighting the fire with the device, then (3) a clean car. Meanwhile the arabs read from right to the left, so they avoided the devise completely.
- —Guest Adesanya adebolu
Advances and details
- A young damsel was asked why she would not marry either of her engineer or lawyer boyfriends. She replied' the engineers make advances and add no detail , the lawyers argue details and make no advance'.
- —Guest Adesanya adebolu
- An engineer is someone who uese a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure
- —Guest John S
- How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wouldn't do it. It's a hardware problem.
Chemical Engineer vs Chemist
- What's the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? Answer: about $50k a year
- —Guest Chemmy
Chemical Engineer and Chemist
- What's the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? A chemical engineer does for profit what a chemist does for fun.
- —Guest SciGuy
Wife or Mistress?
- An architect, artist and engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses. The architect said "I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage." The artist said "I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy." The engineer said "I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done"
- —Guest Bazza201
MechE and CivE extra info
- The Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers post below can add Chemical Engineers as engineers that build targets that explode really well.
- —Guest ChemE Dude
- A girl asked her boy friend, an engineer, "Don't you want to see where i was operated upon for appendicitis?".The engineer replied "Oh, i hate to see a hospital".
Definition of an Engineer
- What is the definition of an engineer?
Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had, in a way you don't understand.
It takes one to know one.
- Engineer and Mathematician (males) were given the opportunity to compete for a very attractive woman.
But there was one condition: "You can only run half the remaining distance between you and the lady".
Eng. sprinted forward while Math. didn't.
Why aren't you running? Asked members of the Committee.
Because, by definition, I will never be allowed to reach my target.
And you Eng. why are you running? Don't you know the same?
Yes, said Eng. my learned friend is correct.
But I will get close enough for all practical purposes.
- —Guest Mr. Murphy
A little risque...
- An engineering major sees classmate riding up on a new bike and asks when he got it.
"I was walking back from the computer lab when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen rode up on this bike, stopped, took all her clothes off and said to me 'Take what you want!'"
"Good choice," the friend replies. "The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
- —Guest Matt