Chemistry Jokes, Puns, and Riddles

Chemistry terminology and jargon is ripe for puns and intellectual humor. Below is a collection of chemistry jokes, puns, riddles, and one-liners.

Old Chemist One-Liner

Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting.

Coffee Riddle

What is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe₂

Banana Riddle

What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa₂

Dead Chemists

What should do you do with a dead Chemist? Barium!

Dental Chemistry Riddle

What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.

Ion Riddle

What did one charged atom say to the other? I've got my ion you.

pH Chemistry Joke

Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it's pretty basic stuff.

Spy Chem

What is the name of agent 007's Eskimo cousin? Polar Bond.

Medical Elements Joke

Q: Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!

Diamond Riddle

What element is a girl's future best friend? Carbon.

Element Laughter

What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe

Neutral Neutron

A neutron walks into a shop and says,"I'd like a coke."
The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge."

Norse Chemistry

What element derives from a Norse god? Thorium.

Mole Riddle

Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadro's number!

Particle Charge Joke

A proton and a neutron were walking down the street. The proton says, "Stop, I dropped an electron. Help me look for it." The neutron asks, "Are you sure?" The proton replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

Peroxide Joke

Two chemists go into a restaurant. The first chemist says, "I'll have H₂O." The second chemist says, "I'll have an H₂O too."... and he died.

TV Chemistry

What show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI

Words from Element Symbols

I asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.

Lawyer Chemistry Joke

Why can't lawyers do NMR? Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.

Chemistry Lab Safety

What is the most important chemistry rule? Never lick the spoon!

Mole Joke

What was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf, because he always got a mole-in-one.

Gas Chromatography Joke

What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from? Separation anxiety.

Interview Joke

Question at interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate), Answer: double time.

Chemistry Poem

Poor Willie worked in chem lab. Poor Willie is no more. For what he thought was H₂O was H₂SO₄!

Assault and Battery

What happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.

Why Chemists Are Great

Why are chemists so great at solving problems? Answer: Because they have all the solutions.

Alphabet Chemistry Riddle

What is "HIJKLMNO"? H₂O

Silver and Gold

Silver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!"

Noble Gas

Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.

Starving Chemists

How did the chemist survive the famine? He subsisted on titrations.

Chemical Formula Joke

Q: What is the chemical formula for diarrhea?
A: (CO(NH₂)₂)₂

Football Cheerleader

Q: How did the football cheerleader define hydrophobic on her chemistry exam? A: Fear of utility bills.

The Chemist's Ferris Wheel

What do chemists call a benzene ring where the carbon atoms are replaced with iron atoms? A ferrous wheel.

Burger Chemistry

Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak? Because it's in the ground state.

Titration Chemistry Riddle

What did one titration say to the other? Let's meet at the endpoint.

Solution Chemistry Joke

Florence Flask was preparing to attend the opera. Suddenly she screamed, "Erlenmeyer, my joules! Somebody has stolen my joules!" Her husband replied, "Relax dear. We'll find a solution."

Titanium Chemistry Joke

Titanium is an amorous metal. When it gets hot, it will combine with anything!

The Half-Empty Glass

The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The chemist sees the glass as completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the gaseous state.

Cash Chemistry

It has been discovered that money consists of a yet-to-be- indentified superheavy element. The proposed element name is Un-obtainium.

Spectrometry Riddle

What did the mass spectrometer say to the gas chromatograph? Breaking up is hard to do.

One Bad Clown

What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon

Ice Water

H₂O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H₂O cubed

Sea Water

What is the chemical formula for sea water? CH₂O

Oxygen and Potassium

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.

Water and Peroxide Joke

What is H₂0₄? It's FOR drinking, bathing, and mixing with scotch.

Another Bar Joke

What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walking into the bar? OH SNaP!

Carbon Chemistry Pun

Why did the chemist coat his shoes with silicone rubber? He wanted to reduce his carbon footprint.

Polarity Chemistry Humor

Why did the white bear dissolve in water? Because it was a polar bear.

Superhero Chemistry Pun

If Iron Man and Silver Surfer teamed up, they'd be alloys.

Sodium Humor

Does anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na. Yeah, I know that was sodium funny!

Chemistry One-Liner

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Bad Chemistry Jokes

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

Chemistry Joke Pun

I wish to apologize for not having more chemistry jokes, but I only add them periodically.

If you want to use chemistry pick-up lines, look no further.