Here is a collection of chemistry jokes, puns, riddles, and one-liners. You can add your own chemistry jokes, too.
Old Chemist One-LinerOld chemists never die, they just stop reacting.
Coffee RiddleWhat is the chemical formula of coffee? CoFe2
Banana RiddleWhat is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
Dead ChemistsWhat should do you do with a dead Chemist? Barium!
Dental Chemistry RiddleWhat do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.
Ion RiddleWhat did one charged atom say to the other? I've got my ion you.
pH Chemistry JokeWhy do chemists enjoy working with ammonia? Because it's pretty basic stuff.
Spy ChemWhat is the name of agent 007's Eskimo cousin? Polar Bond.
Medical Elements JokeQ: Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!
Diamond RiddleWhat element is a girl's future best friend? Carbon.
Element LaughterWhat did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe
Neutral NeutronA neutron walks into a shop and says,"I"d like a coke."
The shopkeeper serves up the coke.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
The shopkeeper replies, "For you? No charge."
Norse ChemistryWhat element derives from a Norse god? Thorium.
Mole RiddleWhy was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he left the singles bar? He got Avogadro's number!
Particle Charge JokeA proton and a neutron were walking down the street. The proton says, "Stop, I dropped an electron. Help me look for it." The neutron asks, "Are you sure?" The proton replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
Peroxide JokeTwo chemists go into a restaurant. The first chemist says, "I'll have H2." The second chemist says, "I'll have an H2O too."... and he died.
TV ChemistryWhat show do cesium and iodine love to watch together? CsI
Words from Element SymbolsI asked the guy next to me if he had any sodium hypobromite. He said NaBrO.
Lawyer Chemistry JokeWhy can't lawyers do NMR? Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
Chemistry Lab SafetyWhat is the most important chemistry rule? Never lick the spoon!
Mole JokeWhat was Avogadro's favorite sport? Golf - because he always got a mole-in-one.
Gas Chromatography JokeWhat emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from? Separation anxiety.
Interview JokeQuestion at interview: What is nitrate (nite rate or night rate), Answer: double time.
Chemistry PoemPoor Willie worked in chem lab. Poor Willie is no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4!
Assault and BatteryWhat happened to the man stopped for having sodium chloride and a 9-volt in his car? He was booked for a salt and battery.
Joke Why Chemists Are GreatWhy are chemists so great at solving problems? Answer: Because they have all the solutions.
Alphabet Chemistry RiddleWhat is "HIJKLMNO"? H2O
Silver and GoldSilver walks up to gold in a bar and says, "Au, get outta here!"
Noble GasHelium walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gases here." Helium doesn't react.
Starving ChemistsHow did the chemist survive the famine? He subsisted on titrations.
Chemical Formula JokeQ: What is the chemical formula for diarrhea?